The Moment

I can't enjoy the moment because I don't trust it.

or is it...

I don't enjoy the moment because I can't trust it.

Where does my responsibility lie....with the trust or the enjoyment? It's hard work changing a pattern and even harder work making a choice that goes against the need for instant gratification. It would be so easy to dismiss the past and go for the easy stuff. But I don't want to and I don't even know if I can. I have residual feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment, and mostly, resignation. Resignation that the friendship I want isn't possible.